Parental controls can help children stay safe while navigating the digital world. Different children can benefit from different controls, and what controls they need will change as children grow. However, this can lead to issues if you have children of different ages. Younger children might be jealous that their older siblings have fewer restrictions placed upon their device use.
Below, experts share advice on how you can manage parental controls for different ages while avoiding feelings of jealousy or ‘unfairness’.
Summary
- How can parents manage parental controls for different ages?
- How do you talk about it with children without it seeming unfair?
- How can you avoid jealousy between siblings?
- How do you decide if a child is ready for more independence?
- Supporting resources
How can parents manage parental controls for different ages?
Many of the social media platforms and popular games have good parental controls that will allow users to access a more age-appropriate experience. In order to be able to use these effectively it is often necessary for parents to create an account for their children. This can at times be off-putting with parents being reluctant to ‘sign their child up’ to a service, game or platform. However, in order to be able to access these safeguards an account is needed.
Start with a shared baseline for everyone: safe search, age ratings, spending controls, privacy settings, location sharing, and app download approval. Then personalise by child, not by device, using separate profiles and family tools such as Apple Screen Time, Family Sharing, Google Family Link, or Microsoft Family Safety. Review settings at natural milestones such as birthdays, new devices or starting secondary school, and adjust gradually rather than jumping from “locked down” to “wide open”.
Some families also find guardian-managed platforms designed for children and families, for example apps like Liaura and similar, helpful. They can make it easier to set different boundaries per child, keep expectations consistent, and give parents clearer oversight. Look for tools that support per-child rules, gradual step-ups, and settings you can explain and review together.
How do you talk about it with children without it seeming unfair?
Children by and large accept that there are rules and boundaries in place in other aspects of their lives and whilst they might grumble, they tend to recognise why things can be different for different children. I think it’s also important to be clear that everyone is different and a game rated as 15 will not be suitable for every 15 year old. The best people to make a decision about what is right will be parents and their children.
Be calm and transparent: Fair isn’t always equal, it’s what helps you stay safe and do well. Frame controls as support, not punishment, and explain the “why”, such as sleep, focus, wellbeing and safety. Agree a simple pathway: “When you show X, you earn Y,” with a review date so it feels achievable.
How can you avoid jealousy between siblings?
It is important to have agreed protocols and procedures about where different types of content can be accessed. A parent recently told me that she was horrified that her 10 year old was shown some “inappropriate” content by his cousin when they were visiting. Her son had been sitting next to his cousin on the sofa and had seen the content and asked about it and ultimately had been shown more.
This is a good example of the importance of being quite explicit with other visitors including family members about where content can be accessed and what is acceptable.
Avoid comparisons. Keep family rules consistent such as where devices live at night, what to do if something worries them, no secret accounts and ask-before-you-download. If one child gets more freedom, pair it with more responsibility.
Platforms like Liaura, that make rules visible and consistent across the household can reduce the “why do they get more than me?” feeling. Story-led resources like CyberVedKids books can also help siblings talk about online safety in the same language, so it feels like a shared family approach.
How do you decide if a child is ready for more independence?
Having a good open dialogue with children is crucial here. As they get old, they will need to have more freedom, more privacy and we need to trust them. A parent is the best judge of when a child needs to have more independence, but it can be a tricky line to tread.
Ultimately, we want them to feel that they can come and tell us when something has or possibly could go wrong – they need to be able to ask for help if they are unsure about something. If parents are too restrictive or if they tend to overreact when a child comes to them with a concern, then children are unlikely to seek help from them again with regards to online issues.
Parents can do all the right things at home; they can use the available controls and follow the age recommendations strictly but when their child is visiting someone else’s house the same rules are unlikely to apply – hence the importance of them feeling that they can seek help when they are worried.
Look for evidence: they follow agreements, tell you when something goes wrong, use block and report tools, show good judgement about sharing, and can manage time without constant reminders. Increase independence in small steps and keep the conversation ongoing.
