Even adults rely on devices for downtime or ‘zoning out’ after a difficult day. We can all struggle with regulating our emotions in stressful moments. Children with additional needs may face additional barriers, however.
Your child might need support with:
Identifying digital triggers for dysregulation;
Setting boundaries around ‘downtime’;
Recognising when downtime becomes a negative experience;
Taking action to counter the negative experience.
Balancing regulation with escapism
Screens can be a useful tool for children with additional needs when they need to unwind and regulate. However, research shows that these children are more likely to continue doing activities online that they don’t enjoy. This can negatively impact their overall wellbeing.
Browse the below strategies for balance and choose what will work best for your family.
While your child is using their device to regulate themselves, what do you notice? What signs suggest that they’ve gone past regulation and perhaps more into ‘zombie scrolling’? Are their eyes glazed over? Does their irritation seem to be increasing?
Write down what you notice. These clues can help you decide when it’s time to re-direct your child.
‘I notice that you’re scrolling really fast. Are you able to see any content when you’re going that fast?’ Making an observation and asking a non-judgmental question can help them start thinking about their device use.
Talk about how they started the activity versus where they are now and add this to a list of clues. Together, add as many clues as there might be to help your child become more mindful.
Before your child starts their screen time, ask them to rate their mood using a traffic light or fizzy drink system. Are they at red or ready to explode? Or yellow and shaken up? What is their status 10 minutes later? 30 minutes later? This can work as a clue for when screen time is no longer regulating their emotions effectively.
Whether setting limits for the device as a whole or specific apps, set limits and boundaries around regulation time. For example, if they want to watch videos to make them feel better, limit that to 10 minutes before it’s time to switch gears to another activity or device-free time.
For children who use devices to calm down or unwind, being mindful of ‘too much’ can be hard. So, focus on strategies that require your child to really think about cause and effect. A one-off conversation usually won’t do for something like this though, so make sure to keep following up on how they’re feeling and what works for them.
Encouraging calmer screen time
Often, screen time isn’t about how much time but what your child is doing during that time. While tech can be used for emotional regulation, you can work together to decide what that time looks like.
Explore different ways for your child to use their screen time with suggestions below.
Short videos and infinite scrolling on social media can lead to dysregulation. Instead, encourage your child to play a 10-minute game or watch a 20-minute episode of something if they need to feel regulated.
If your child likes to play games, encourage regulation time to be spent on games with no communication and low stakes. For example, finding all the daily fossils in Animal Crossing can be a quick task they do alongside calming music. Focusing on the low-stakes task can give their nervous system time to reset.
If your child would rather watch something, choose slow-paced content like an educational video essay from their favourite YouTuber or an episode of a calming TV show.
Anything with loud sound effects, bright colours or quick-changing scenes can lead to further dysregulation.
If your child is younger in their developmental age, take a greater role in choosing the content for them. However, if your child is older, you could give them greater choice while you guide and supervise their decisions. This can help them become more independent in their regulation as they grow.
Regulating together
Your child learns best from you. Whether or not you also have additional needs, co-regulating can help your child learn positive techniques. Moreover, it can help make the transitions from device use or online activities a little smoother.
Explore below some suggestions for different ways to regulate together.
If you identify that your child needs regulation time, suggest something you know they enjoy and that you can do together, such as watching an episode of a calm TV show. Watch in silence together (or how they normally watch) and then discuss it after.
Similar to joining from the beginning, once your child’s regulation time has passed, join in on their game or what they’re watching. Finishing the activity together can serve as a signal that transition time is near, which can make that transition to no device (or another activity) a little smoother.
Rather than praising calm, praise the effort to get there. ‘I can see that you chose a game that helped you feel calmer even when you were upset. You’re doing a great job finding positive ways to regulate your emotions.’
Finding ways to spend time online together can also help you learn about their digital interests. This can also make it easier for you to stay on top of their online safety and any risks they might face.
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