What to do if your child sent or received a nude image

Nude image-sharing can often bring out feelings of shame or embarrassment in children. For some with additional needs, these feelings can be amplified and feel impossible to escape. This can lead to obsessive thinking, withdrawal or anxiety.

• Focus on regulation. Provide things that help them feel comfortable such as weighted blankets, low lighting, fidget toys, etc. Your goal is to help them feel calm.
• Avoid discussion before calm. If your child hasn’t had time to calm themselves, any conversations about safety or the experience will be forgotten or lead to your child shutting down.
• Redirect their attention. If they keep replaying moments or seem anxious, redirect them to something you could do together like re-watching a comfort film, going out for a walk or playing a cosy game.
• Give them an escape. When they’ve calmed down and you do talk about what happened, start with short chats. Let them know that if they’re uncomfortable during the conversation, you can stop and come back to it later.

Some children with additional needs may have misread the situation. If they were coerced to share nude images by an adult or someone they thought loved them, they could feel confused. On the one hand, a friend they trust told them to share the pictures. On the other hand, their parent/carer is upset and worried.

• Approach with calm. Avoid having conversations when you feel overwhelmed or have your own big emotions. Your child might sense this energy, which can add to their confusion. Instead, approach conversations when both of you have taken time to find calm.
• Create a safe/unsafe list. Once you have dealt with the image-sharing and your child is calm enough, work together to create a list of safe and unsafe actions. If your child is asked these things, this list can help them determine if it’s safe or not. For example, a ‘safe’ action could be talking about their favourite online games. An ‘unsafe’ action would be someone asking them to keep a secret from their parent/carer.

One reason a child might not tell their parent about online harm is because they worry that their access to their device or digital spaces will be taken away. After your child returns to using their device or favourite platform, this concern might take greater shape. This could lead to them hiding how the situation impacted them or not letting you know if they face another form of harm.

• Create a ‘no-ban’ rule. Let them know that you will never permanently remove access to any device or platforms you’ve agreed they can use. If you took away access because you needed to report the incident to police, let them know that and remind them that they got their access back. Regularly remind them that your number one goal is keeping them safe and happy.
• Build up access with parental controls. Your child might worry about the actions they or others take online that could result in access loss (even temporarily). To help them regain their confidence, use parental controls with greater restrictions than you had before. As they become more assured, gradually return these controls to where they can best support your child’s growth and development.