When we think about keeping children safe online, we often focus on risks such as cyberbullying, scams, disinformation, harmful content, exploitation or contact from strangers. These are all important. But there is another part of digital life that is easy to overlook: the platforms that shape what we see and what is recommended to us.
How do platforms decide what your child sees next?
Today’s children are growing up in digital spaces that do much more than simply respond to searches. Many social media, video and online platforms actively recommend content based on what users:
- watch
- like
- share
- search for
- comment on
- spend time looking at.
This also includes information such as location, language preferences and device or account settings.
These systems are often called recommendation algorithms because they help decide what content is suggested to each user. Understanding how these recommendations work can help you make sense of your child’s online experiences and open up valuable conversations at home.
The internet is no longer a simple library of information
Many adults grew up using the internet a little like a library! If you wanted information, you searched for it, found what you needed and moved on. Today’s online world works quite differently.
Platforms such as TikTok, YouTube, Instagram and Snapchat are designed to personalise what each person sees. Two children using the same app may have completely different experiences because the platform is constantly learning what appears to hold their attention. Keeping users engaged is central to how many of these services make money.
In many ways, this can be positive. A child who enjoys drawing may discover talented artists to learn from. Someone interested in football can find coaching tips, drills and match highlights. Young people can explore hobbies, creativity and educational content from around the world.
At the same time, these recommendation systems can gradually shape the kinds of ideas, opinions and experiences children encounter every day.
How small interests can shape a feed over time
Imagine your child watches a few videos about healthy eating. The platform may recommend more nutrition content. This, in turn, could lead to videos from fitness creators, body transformation stories and, over time, increasingly unrealistic messages about appearance or lifestyle.
The same pattern can happen with gaming, relationships, celebrities, politics or current events. For example, content about confidence, fitness or dating advice may sometimes lead to more stereotyped or harmful messages about gender roles, masculinity, women or relationships.
When algorithms take an unexpected turn
Feeds can also include unexpected or distressing content that does not appear to relate directly to anything a child has searched for. For example, one foster carer we worked with described how a video of Charlie Kirk being shot appeared in their child’s feed, even though the child did not know who he was. Sometimes this can happen because a major news story is being widely shared across a platform, meaning children may encounter it even if they have never searched for the people or issues involved.
This is a reminder that children may encounter shocking or upsetting material without actively seeking it out. It is one reason it helps to talk with them about how recommendations work, how to report or hide distressing content, and why seeing something in a feed does not mean they chose it, asked for it, or should accept it at face value. Most importantly, they should know they can come to you without fear of blame.
An increasing influence on children’s views
Most of the time, feed-shaping does not happen suddenly. It develops gradually, with the platform offering more of what it thinks the user wants to see.
This is not necessarily harmful, but it does mean that children’s online worlds can become increasingly shaped by a relatively narrow range of content.
A recent WISE KIDS questionnaire with more than 600 young people suggested that many had some awareness of how platforms shape their feeds. However, a notable minority said they did not know or were unsure. In focus groups, some young people also described using features such as “Show me less of this” or “Mute this account” to influence what appeared in their feeds.
It is not always obvious when content becomes influential
When parents think about online risks, they often imagine obviously harmful or extreme material. In reality, influence is often much more subtle.
As children move into their pre-teen and teenage years, they might start by watching funny videos or memes that everyone in their friendship group is sharing. Some of those jokes might rely on stereotypes or present certain groups of people in negative ways. Over time, the platform may recommend creators who express stronger versions of those same views.
This does not mean that watching a particular video or following a certain creator will automatically change a child’s beliefs. Most young people encounter a wide range of ideas online without any lasting negative effects. However, repeated exposure can make certain messages feel more familiar, more popular or more normal than they really are.
Why children may not notice the influence
Children and young people are not simply looking for information online.
For pre-teens and teenagers, online platforms often become places for connection, friendship, inspiration and a sense of belonging. They can provide links to friends, as well as communities that share their interests and experiences. This is one of the reasons digital life can be so positive and enriching.
It is also why certain creators or online communities can become particularly influential. Sometimes it is not just the content that matters, but the feeling of being understood or part of a group.
What parents and carers can look out for
With older children and teenagers, you may not know everything they watch online, and it would neither be practical nor healthy to try to monitor every piece of content they encounter.
Instead, it is important to make conversations about digital life a normal and regular part of family life. It can be helpful to notice patterns and stay curious. You might observe:
- your child talking about the same creator or influencer regularly;
- increasingly one-sided views about particular topics;
- new phrases or jokes that seem unusual or out of character;
- strong emotional reactions after spending time online;
- reluctance to discuss where certain ideas or opinions have come from.
Often, these are simply opportunities to start a conversation rather than reasons to worry.
Help your child notice how their feed works
Sometimes small changes in the questions we ask can make a big difference. Instead of asking, ‘Why are you watching that?’, you could try:
- ‘How did you come across this?’
- ‘Do you see lots of videos like this?’
- ‘What do you think about what they’re saying?’
- ‘Do you think everyone gets shown the same sort of content?’
- ‘Has anything you’ve seen online ever changed your mind about something?’
These questions encourage children to think about how digital platforms work, rather than feeling judged for what they are watching.
Shaping conversation by age
For younger children, this might mean explaining that videos and posts do not appear by magic; what they watch, click on or spend time with can affect what they see next. It can also help to practise simple responses together, such as closing a video, telling a trusted adult, or asking for help to report something upsetting.
With older children and teenagers, conversations can go further. You might encourage them to notice when they keep seeing the same kind of content; to use tools such as ‘Not interested’, ‘Show me less of this’, ‘Mute’ or ‘Report’; and to pause before liking, sharing or commenting, as these actions can shape future recommendations.
Most importantly, encourage them to talk to you if they see something shocking, hateful, upsetting or confusing.
The hidden protector – our values online
As children grow older, one of the most important things we can help them develop is a strong sense of their own values. Recommendation algorithms may influence what they see, but their values can help shape what they look for, what they question and how they respond.
Qualities such as kindness, empathy, fairness, respect, curiosity and courage can act as an internal compass when children encounter difficult situations online. They can help a young person pause before sharing something hurtful, question content that stereotypes others, or decide not to join in when ‘everyone else’ appears to be doing something.
In our WISE KIDS work, we see digital citizenship as involving the whole child — their digital literacy, values, wellbeing, relationships and sense of agency. It is not just about understanding technology, but about helping children become thoughtful, responsible, discerning and compassionate digital citizens who can make informed choices that reflect who they want to be, both online and offline.
Helping children understand their digital world
We cannot remove every risk from our children’s online lives, nor should we expect them to navigate an increasingly complex digital world on their own.
One of the most valuable things we can do is help children understand that the internet is not simply a collection of websites and videos. It is a complex environment shaped by recommendation systems, creators, online communities and businesses whose aim is often to capture and keep our attention.
The more children understand how these systems work, the more agency they have. They are better able to notice patterns in what they are being shown, ask why certain content appears in their feed, and make thoughtful choices about what to watch, trust, share or challenge.
