The NWG Network and Marie Collins Foundation have teamed up to help parents understand online harm. Learn how to minimise the risks and what you can do to help your child if you discover they have been the victims of online sexual harm.
Simply put, it is any behaviour online that causes harm. This could be physical, emotional or sexual.
Online sexual harm includes:
We know that sexual abuse is harmful regardless of where it takes place. Despite the similarities between online and offline sexual abuse, there are some differences.
Online interaction can give the offender greater access to the child. Family members can be in the background, downstairs or in other rooms and not know that abuse is occurring. This may be due to some parents not realising what their child is doing online or because they are unaware of the consequences.
An element to online sexual abuse is that it is often recorded and shared. This adds to harm of the child because they may feel embarrassed or ashamed, blaming themselves for the abuse. The child may become anxious and worried the offender will share pictures or videos with others. Survivors of online sexual abuse are often fearful that images of them will ‘resurface’. This fear can stay with them into adulthood.
Offenders are skilled and motivated to target children through the internet. They can be of any gender, age or sexual orientation and gain access to a child by manipulating or grooming them.
Grooming is when an offender starts interacting online with a child by taking an interest in them, forming friendships, and finding out about their interests, home, family and friendship groups. During this process, the offender will be testing out a child’s response. This may start as subtle and then may move into more sexual or coercive conversations. However, it can also be more direct with the offender moving onto another child if they are not getting the response they want.
As in the offline world, offenders will want to be where children are. Not all offenders pretend to be someone else or younger. They may engage children via social media, gaming and other apps. Offenders will target boys and girls from across all age ranges regardless of the child’s backgrounds.
Try to stay calm. Your child may feel incredibly vulnerable, and they need to know you are on their side. Try the CARES approach if you have concerns about the content your child is sharing, viewing or uploading:
C – Calm, non-judgemental listening. Fake it if you have to! Make it clear you do not blame them.
A – Ask open questions and assess – give time and avoid asking ‘why?’
R – Reassure and give information and support. Reassurance does not mean saying it will all be okay. Reflect back feelings and acknowledge how hard this must be. This is a moment in time and recovery is possible.
E – Enter their model of reality; see how it feels for them. There is likely to be conflict and doubt. Do not worry if they would rather talk to someone else.
S – Seek support and self-care. Do not blame yourself. Contact relevant professionals for advice.
Remember: how you react influences your child. Keeping calm will help them do the same.
A vast majority of professionals will have experience in dealing with these types of incidents and should be able to advise or escalate the concern to the relevant agencies depending on the level of harm.
It’s important to think about support for you, your child and your family. There is only one person who is to blame for the abuse and that is the offender. Do not blame yourself or your child.
Remember: the abuse does not define you, your child or your family. The offender, through their actions, is to blame. If you need to, seek support, advice and guidance to ensure you and your child receive the help you both need.
It may be hard to know all the apps and sites that children and young people are accessing, but it is useful to consider how the child interacts with apps or online platforms. The content a child is seeing could be harmful, or it could be who they are communicating with, or the topics they’re discussing, that is harmful.
Talking openly about gaming sites, social media and apps offers opportunities to explore how to use the internet safely. Open conversations will help open the floor for concerns you or your child might have. Awareness of how your child engages with a particular app or game is also beneficial. Parental controls can reduce the possibility of your child accessing inappropriate material or apps/platforms you do not want them to see. Software development within parental controls has increased their effectiveness over the years, but they are only one part of the protective picture. Parents control guides and resources can be found on the Internet Matters App Guide or at NSPCC’s Net Aware.
Though it can feel like a parallel world to adults, children often see little distinction between online and offline friendships. Covid-19 has seen an increase in children going online to be with their friends. The key is to communicate often and take an interest in who your child is talking to online in the same way you would with new friends offline.
See advice and resources to help children stay safe online.
