When you see a “chat with me here” prompt on a website or app, does it fill you with dread because it lacks the ‘human touch’? As adults, we appreciate the nuances and complexities of human interactions, especially when navigating issues like updating payment details or challenging a bill. We often prefer to talk to someone on the phone, for example, because we know that a customer service representative can best deal with whatever issue we have.
However, this isn’t entirely reflective of how younger people, especially adolescents, see the world. Instead, talking and conversations are more difficult, and maybe more uncomfortable.
Online, I commonly see that children won’t make phone calls or don’t like to speak directly. Yet, in my practice as a psychotherapist, I’ve observed a different dynamic. While these young people might hesitate to pick up the phone, they readily engage in conversations with me. Interestingly, they often confide that they prefer texting and interacting with online AI bots, sometimes even over talking to their parents.
In the discipline of psychology, we have many words to describe how people interact with AI bots and behave with online content. But what is it that drives children and young people to seek relationship advice from My AI on Snapchat or from a ‘made up’ or ‘designer’ friend?
Attachment theory, which is all about the bonds we make in relationships, can offer some insight. According to this theory, we see that friendship fulfills the needs for children to feel that they are liked, valued and belong somewhere. At times, young people even make conscious choices to keep friendships at the cost of personal discomfort rather than be on their own.
But imagine having a friend that you never argued with. They never disagree with you, they’re always available and they always tell you how important you are to them. It sounds idyllic! And this is exactly what an AI bot character can do for a young person, especially those with vulnerabilities or trauma, or most worryingly, those with issues in real relationships and those who struggle to socialise.
I cover some of this in videos shared on LinkedIn (part one and part two), highlighting the potential risks associated with these kinds of AI relationships.
Looking ahead in 2025 and beyond, I would say that our role as parents is to show up, and lean into our relationships with our kids more than ever. This can be hard work — it feels like we are getting little thanks and so on. Certainly, parenting can be a thankless task at times, but we are so needed now in our children’s world.
Let’s be there for them so they don’t need a friend who could turn out to be a fiend — AI and AI bots are not without faults. Let’s be the person who matters in our child’s life!
