Online dating risks
Connecting with potential love interests online can be fun and exciting for young people but it can also come with potential risks. We explore what these risks are and what you and your teen should look out for to stay safe.
What’s on the page
Are young people equipped to deal with the risks of online dating?
For young people dating online isn’t just about using dating apps – it’s about how relationships develop on social media, through private messaging and even with AI chatbots. Although most children today are tech-savvy, they may not be tech-safe. It’s important to consider that although young people may have been able to navigate the latest apps easily, they may not have built the resilience to deal with issues that come from creating and managing online relationships.
Children and young people with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND) and those that are vulnerable may be more trusting and socially naive and therefore more at risk to understand the dangers when forming online relationships.
According to research from LSE, disabled children tend to have more digital skills but encounter more online risk and may lack peer support.
CEOP film highlights why it’s important to talk to children about sex, relationship and the internet.
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Exposure to online grooming
Who your children talk to are most likely other children, but some people may not be who they say they are or may be groomed by sexual predators. They may try to trick a young person into believing that they are trustworthy, that they are a friend or they may even pretend that they are the same age.
Not everyone they meet online will have the right intentions, so it’s important to discuss the risks surrounding online dating such as online grooming and also what signs to look out for to avoid putting themselves in unsafe situations.
Consequences of sexting
If in the wrong hands, a sext, can perpetuate bullying, emotional abuse, revenge porn, harassment, embarrassment, low self-esteem, and even depression.
Discuss tech dangers – sometimes teens are tempted to send nude photos and unfortunately, there have been cases where these pictures have become public.
Make sure they understand they have the right to say no and that anyone who cares about them should respect that. See our sexting advice hub to learn more and get support on how to equip your child to make safer choices online.
Online harassment
The more your teen explores the realm of romance online, they may experience unwelcome advances, sexually explicit pictures and general harassment via social media, chat forums and sites, dating apps or messaging services such as WhatsApp and Snapchat.
If you’re worried about someone your child is in contact with online, it’s important to report these concerns using the appropriate tools on the social media platform they are using. You can also find more information by visiting the CEOP.
It’s also important to note that some social media apps use location services to allow users to see each other’s locations to find potential matches. This could put young people at risk if they are planning to meet someone that they have only connected with online. Having a conversation about potential risks that they could face and putting in place safety rules are essential to keep them safe.
Step UP, Speak UP resource to help young people deal with online sexual harassment
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See the report from Project deShame to learn more about teens’ experiences of online sexual harassment.
Privacy concerns
Keeping certain personal information private such as their location, address and where they attend school or college is important. Searching for their name could be a simple way of checking out what information is available about them. Children often share multiple social media handles on these apps, they can give strangers access to more personal information and intimate conversation.
Using the right privacy settings across all their social accounts and turning off location services, can help them stay on top of what information is available for everyone to see.
Seeking validation from others
Teens will tend to seek validation online so when it comes to dating, they may be more likely to do or say inappropriate things to gain acceptance with someone they may be in a relationship with.
To ensure they make safer choices, talk to them about a range of topics they may be exposed to while dating online like trust, sex and intimacy. This will help ensure they stay balanced when they come across things that may be incorrect or lead them to believe something that isn’t true.
Limited social interaction
If your teen is only seeking relationships online and neglecting their offline relationships this may hurt their wellbeing. For example, a teen with a long-distance boyfriend in another area may decide not to attend social events, like a party because she wants to stay home to chat with her boyfriend online.
Due to the nature of the online world, young people can easily place a stronger emotional connection with online-only relationships at the expense of friends and family that they know in real life.
You should regularly check in with your teen to ensure they have a healthy balance between spending time online and offline. You could also remind your child of ways to connect with their peers offline – such as sports, dance drama classes or other social activities.
AI companions
With advancements in AI, some teens are forming romantic connections with chatbots. While this is rare, apps like Character AI and Replika are more likely to encourage this type of relationship due to the way their chatbots adopt specific personalities or identities.
Viewing an AI as a romantic partner can put children at risk of developing unrealistic expectations about relationships, as they may become used to a partner who never disagrees or sets boundaries. This could impact their social skills and ability to form healthy relationships with real people.
There is also a risk that children will begin to prioritise their relationship with the chatbot over real life relationships, leading to them to seek support from the AI instead of from their parents or teachers. AI’s are not equipped to provide psychiatric support, and they could give inappropriate advice that worsens issues and, in extreme cases, lead to serious harm.
Having casual conversations with your child about their digital life can help you stay aware of any AI chatbots they may be using. This makes it easier to notice if they are becoming too reliant on a chatbot and gives you the chance to explain that chatbots are deliberately designed to agree with users and keep them engaged, rather than to model real relationships.
Before your child uses AI, you should ensure they have the critical thinking skills necessary to understand that chatbots have no real intelligence or emotions, and that they can recognise when a chatbot is giving bad or harmful advice. If your child isn’t ready to interact with chatbots but wants to, you can set controls on their device or browser to prevent them from accessing the AI.
Supporting children with additional needs
Children with additional needs often use the online space to connect with others. It can feel a little safer to interact online than it does offline, especially if they find social cues and expectations confusing or tiring.
Most people they interact with online will not seek to do them harm. However, they might find it challenging to notice the ones who do. So, it’s important to talk about friendships along with romantic relationships, and the ways they can keep safe.
Explore the below tips to help your child develop relationships safely.
Set communication controls that support your child’s development. This can mean turning off communication completely and gradually increasing it to friends only. Or it could mean approving every friend they want to add. These restrictions can help children who find social cues challenging or who might miss the signs of harmful people.
Some children will take things very literally while some will feel anxious and imagine someone means more than they say. Together, decide what their communication style leans towards to help them identify stop points where they should ask for help.
If your child finds sarcasm hard to read, for example, a stop point might be when someone says something confusing (like ‘good game’ after a bad game). If your child tends to overanalyse theirs or others’ words, a stop point may be when that feeling of anxiety starts to build.
Stop points are places they should take a break and ask you or another trusted adult for a second opinion.
Together, decide which behaviours make their online experience worse (red flags) and which ones don’t. Write the red flags down somewhere visible as a reminder.
Red flags might include someone asking for sexual pictures or personal information. It could be a friend saying they want to be romantic or someone using laughing emojis when your child is angry. If they identify a red flag, they should tell you so you can guide them.
This can be helpful for children who might not register the intent of others or feel their own ‘gut instincts’.
Keep an eye on how their mood is before and after they communicate online with others. Some children might even benefit from a chat about their mood before and after to remind them of how the online space can impact them.
If you notice their mood get worse, talk with them about what happened. Sometimes it might be little things that add up. Talking about their experiences can help you work together to identify what’s wrong.
Activities to do
Use the following activities to help your child learn about safe relationships online.
Supporting resources
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