With most children now engaging with technology starting at a young age, it’s easy for us as parents or carers to use it as a reward. But should we take away or give screen time to support positive behaviours offline? Explore thoughts from online safety experts below.
How do you use tech for behaviour management in your household?
In my house, technology is a tool. It can be a tool for entertainment, a tool for social connection (e.g. FaceTiming with grandma) or a tool for learning (helping with homework).
Taking this kind of approach, technology can be removed as a source of entertainment (just as my parents would restrict television watching) as a part of behaviour management in the household. However, it is important to approach this with some nuance as tablets and laptops are not ‘only’ tools for entertainment but a whole host of other things as well.
Should we use technology as a part of punishment or reward systems?
I generally do not suggest treating access to technology as a threat or a treat. Rather, think of it as a tool.
More entertainment time can certainly be a reward, just as restricting entertainment time can be a punishment. Where I think it becomes more difficult though is when access to technology is taken away as a blanket punishment for all actions, without consideration for what role that technology is playing in our children’s lives.
No, it doesn’t work long-term. This is because using technology as a reward teaches children that screens are the “good stuff” – the ultimate prize. This actually increases their desire for screen time and makes it harder to establish healthy, balanced habits.
Similarly, removing devices as punishment can escalate power struggles and doesn’t teach children the self-regulation skills they need.
Technology will be part of your child’s life forever. The question isn’t whether they get access – it’s whether they learn to use tech thoughtfully, balance it with other activities and self-regulate their use. That’s harder to teach when screens are positioned as the ultimate reward.
If the current approach is keeping your family afloat right now, I’m not judging. But I’d encourage you to think about what you want your child’s relationship with technology to look like in 5 or 10 years – and whether today’s strategy is building toward that future.
Bottom line: Short-term compliance isn’t the same as long-term development. If you’re using technology for behaviour management, have a plan for gradually moving away from it.
If I already use screen time as a reward, what should I watch out for?
I understand that if something works in the moment, it’s hard to let go of it – especially when you’re managing challenging behaviour after a long day. But “effective” in the short-term doesn’t always mean healthy in the long-term. If you’re going to continue this approach, here’s what to watch for:
- The escalation trap: What works today often needs increasing tomorrow. If your child is currently happy with 20 minutes of screen time as a reward, will they need 30 minutes next week? 40 the week after? You may find yourself in a cycle where the “reward” keeps growing and losing effectiveness.
- Unintended messages: Ask yourself: what is my child learning beyond the immediate behaviour? They may be learning that technology is the most valuable thing in their world or that good behaviour is transactional (I only behave to get something). They might struggle to learn to self-regulate without external rewards or that screens are something to crave and negotiate for.
- The motivation shift: Research shows that external rewards can actually reduce intrinsic motivation. Children who behave “to earn screen time” may stop behaving well when the reward isn’t available. You want children who choose positive behaviour because it feels right, not because there’s a prize at the end.
What could I do instead of rewarding behaviour with screen time?
Consider a gradual shift. You don’t have to change everything overnight, but try to:
- Reduce reliance slowly – Start establishing screen time as routine rather than reward.
- Separate behaviour from technology – Address behaviour issues directly with natural consequences.
- Introduce choice within boundaries – “You can choose 20 minutes now or after dinner” gives autonomy without making screen time a reward.
- Focus on the “why” – Help children understand why certain behaviours matter, not just what they’ll get for compliance.
