How to talk about cyberbullying with vulnerable children
Conversation tips & starters for parents
Find advice on how to start a conversation about cyberbullying with vulnerable children and keep the conversation going.
Quick tips
Follow these quick tips to have a conversation about cyberbullying with your teenager.
Talk somewhere neutral
One-off face-to-face conversations can ring alarm bells, so talk while out driving, over dinner or while out for a walk.
Stay calm
If your child is a target or has bullied someone else, stay calm. Ask questions and get all necessary information before acting.
Check in regularly
If bullying happens, make sure to report and deal with it, and then make sure to follow up and check-in regularly.
In this guide
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Before the conversation
Research shows that vulnerable children are more likely to experience bullying online. As such, it’s important to talk with them about it.
Regular conversations can equip them with the tools they need to protect themselves and deal with it if it happens.
While it can be difficult to talk about such a sensitive topic, proper preparation can make it easier. Use the following tips to help you get ready for your first conversation.
- Consider multiple conversations: Breaking chats about cyberbullying up into multiple bite-sized talks can help your child process the discussion. This can particularly support neurodivergent children who might feel overwhelmed while also reinforcing positive actions they can take.
- Choose a neutral location: Start the conversation in a neutral place, where your child is comfortable. In the car or at the dinner table are places where conversation is expected, and so it will feel more natural and less like an interrogation.
- Plan what you want to say: Jot down what you want to say before the discussion to help you focus on what you want to say and what points you want to cover. This can include information about their favourite platforms to show better understanding of their digital interests.
- Know what to do: Prepare for what you can do if you discover your child tells you something troubling. This can include reviewing parental controls, learning how to use the report and blocking tools on platforms they use and knowing who you can contact at their school (such as the Designated Safeguarding Lead or SENCO) if needed.
During the conversation
Once you’re ready to talk about cyberbullying with a vulnerable child, remember the following tips. Doing these things will ensure a more successful and meaningful conversation.
Children are sensitive to emotions and might avoid sharing their experiences if they sense you have become angry or upset. Staying calm is the best way to help them open up. This is particularly true if your child is rejection sensitive (as is common with ADHD) or struggles to open up in general.
Asking open-ended questions that don’t allow yes or no answers can encourage your child to share more about their digital life.
However, some vulnerable children (e.g. those who are neurodivergent) might not expand on their experiences. This could be due to past experiences where sharing led to judgement. Or it might be because they respond best to structured and concrete questions. In this case, you will have to ask leading questions. However, you should only do this after first giving them time to respond to those open-ended questions.
Ask about your child’s digital life in the same way you would ask about their offline life – how their game went, what the video they watched was about, etc. Your child will be more likely to share if they don’t feel like you are trying to dig for information but are rather showing an interest.
Reassure them throughout the conversation that you are there to help, not judge. Show that you are there to support them and that they can always come to you with any issues or concerns they have.
For foster children, it might take longer to build a system of trust. However, remaining patient and consistent with your support can help them open up.
Refer to the platforms your child uses to make the conversation more relevant to them. For example, ‘I read a story where a girl was bullied on Roblox. What do you think about that?’
Using realistic scenarios or roleplaying with vulnerable children can help them explore and learn from different experiences safely as well. Many autistic children, for instance, will benefit from conversations which use concrete examples that could happen to them rather than abstract stories that happened to someone else.
The Once Upon Online stories from Digital Matters can help. Explore ‘Playing With Hate’ and ‘Friendships in Danger’, our two cyberbullying stories or explore other topics to get started.
For tips on what you can say to start the conversation, read our guide below.
After the conversation
After the conversation(s), you and your child can decide on steps to take to resolve any issues or concerns that became apparent during your talk.
Consider your child’s vulnerability when deciding on next steps and whether they’ll need additional support.
After that first conversation, continue asking about your child’s digital life. This helps you stay updated on their online experience and encourages them to continue sharing. With routine and consistency, these conversations will feel like a normal part of your everyday relationship.
Keep an eye on how your child’s behaviour changes. Anxiety, trouble eating or sleeping and reduced device use are all signs of cyberbullying and should be discussed. These could be signs of things other than cyberbullying as well, and a conversation can get to the bottom of it.
- With your child, review the reporting and blocking tools on the platforms they use to teach them how to end contact with users targeting them.
- Check the parental control settings and adjust them to prevent unwanted contact.
- Downloading monitoring apps can also alert you if someone is sending harmful messages to your child.
- Signpost other resources your child can use as well such as Childline and The Mix.
If your child has experienced cyberbullying, either as a victim or a perpetrator, decide on the next steps and share them with your child.
Depending on your child’s vulnerability and age, you can either agree on these steps together or decide on them yourself while clearly explaining your reasons.
Next steps can include:
- saving evidence of cyberbullying
- blocking and reporting a user who is bullying your child
- talking to your child’s school if it involves a classmate
- supervising their screen time
- in extreme cases, contacting the police on 101.
Avoid restricting your child’s access to their device, particularly if they’re a victim. These online spaces can also provide many benefits to vulnerable children. Additionally, banning devices might discourage your child from sharing concerns in the future.
How to start conversations about cyberbullying
To find additional guidance on starting a discussion about cyberbullying with your vulnerable child, read our guide below.
