Addressing online pornography: Supporting 11-13s
Guidance to support 11-13-year-olds
Talking about online pornography can be a tricky subject to discuss with young children. However, it’s important to start the conversation as pre-teens are most likely to see it.
Learn how to effectively talk about online pornography with children aged 11-13.
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How to talk about porn with children age 11-13
Talk about puberty and body image
- Make sure they know the basics about biological changes of puberty so they know what to expect
- Be open and prepared to answer questions about the physical and emotional changes they’ll go through
- Reassure them if they feel insecure about any changes they experience
- Talk about positive body image and any concerns they have about their own body
- Be a role model – children will often mirror what they see so promoting good eating habits and being accepting of those of all shapes and sizes can help children have a positive body image
- Encourage them to be critical of media messages and images that promote thinness or unrealistic ideals
Highlight healthy relationships
- Re-affirm what a healthy relationship looks like and the importance of having love, respect, and trust in a
relationship prior to having physical contact - Talk about how to recognise unhealthy relationships to ensure they can spot the signs and seek support
Discuss sexual health
- Discuss what sexuality is, i.e. everything from their biological sex, gender identity, and sexual orientation, to pregnancy and reproduction
- Talk about how online pornography and it’s portrayal of women, consent and extreme sexual behaviour can have a negative impact on them
- Have regular conversations about the importance of consent
- Share your own experience of peer pressure to help them relate and feel more confident to make smarter decisions
- Re-affirm that although it may seem like ‘everyone’ is doing it, it’s often just talk
- Children will seek out boundaries of what is acceptable behaviour so set clear boundaries for behaviour on and offline, taking the time to clearly explain why it’s beneficial for them (even if they don’t agree)
- Talk to them about ways to stand up to peer pressure that may put them at risk (such as pressure to send nudes or to take part in sexual activity)
Parents’ guide to address issue of online pornography with 11-13s
- Make it part of your online safety talk. This will make the conversation feel less intimidating
- Be clear about what you’d like them to do if they see this content (such as talk to you or report the content)
- Remind them you won’t be angry if they’d like to discuss it
- Make them feel bad about wondering what’s out there, instead, explain why you think it’s a bad idea they see it and arm them with age-appropriate information
- Ignore questions, curiosity is normal
- Ignore the reality that most children will come across online porn
- Treat your child differently if you find out that they have actively searched for it
We’ve created an advice hub to offer parents more tips and advice to help protect children and young people from online pornography.