What is cyberbullying?

Guide to online bullying for parents

Unlike bullying offline, cyberbullying can follow a victim wherever they go through social media networks, gaming platforms and over messaging.

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Quick tips
4 things you need to know about cyberbullying

What forms can cyberbullying take?

Cyberbullying can happen via text, email and on social networks and gaming platforms. It can consist of:

Threats and intimidation
Harassment and stalking
Defamation
Rejection and exclusion
Identify theft, hacking into social media accounts and impersonation
Publicly posting or sending on personal information about another person
Manipulation

What impact can cyberbullying have on young people?

According to UNICEF, cyberbullying can dramatically impact the mental health of young people. The effects can last a long time and affect a young person in many ways.

How is cyberbullying different from face-to-face bullying?

Cyberbullying is bullying that takes place over the internet. This can be across social networks or through direct messages.

Cyberbullying is on the rise

Ofcom’s children and parents media use report shows that 84% of 8-17s say they have been bullied on social media, through text message and on other online platforms, compared to 61% face-to-face.

Things to know about cyberbullying

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Learn about cyberbullying

Cyberbullying is the repetitive and intentional hurting of a person or group of people that happens online. Learn more about the issue below.

How does cyberbullying differ to face-to-face bullying?

One of the biggest differences between cyberbullying and face-to-face bullying is that cyberbullying is often hard to get away from. Young people can be bullied anywhere, anytime – even when they’re at home. Additionally:

It can reach a vast audience in a matter of seconds
‘Repetition’ is taken to a different level, with bullies sharing hurtful comments and images multiple times
Cyberbullying can impact children at any time of day or night
It can offer a degree of anonymity to the perpetrator
It’s difficult to police and to punish
There is often some form of evidence (e.g. screenshot, text message)

What impact can cyberbullying have on a child?

Cyberbullying can have a huge impact on a young person and it can affect them in different ways, including:

Mentally – feeling upset, embarrassed, stupid, even afraid or angry
Emotionally – feeling ashamed or losing interest in the things they love
Physically – tired (loss of sleep), or experiencing symptoms like stomach aches and headaches

As well as this, it can spark feelings of fear for young people. Our 2023 survey found that 77% of children that experienced online abuse found it ‘scary’.

Child Trauma Psychotherapist Catherine Knibbs also highlights the feelings a child might experience or behaviour they might show as a cyberbully:

Embarrassment

Embarrassment is about looking like a ‘fool’ to others but having the resilience to ‘laugh it off’. Neuroscientifically, it’s something you can recover from pretty quickly.

In your child, you might notice their embarrassment by the shyness they show when trying to discuss cyberbullying. They might say ‘you’ll laugh at me’ or something similar. However, there’s still that willingness to talk about it.

How to support your child

You can help your child by explaining that sometimes we feel silly, but that feeling will pass. If we’ve done something silly (like name-calling to join in with others/peers), realising our mistake and apologising can help repair relationships.

You can ‘normalise’ this behaviour if it is accidental and not intended to be vicious. Think about how we laugh at some TV programmes that show silly human behaviour. However, it’s important to highlight that intentional hurtful behaviour is very different.

Guilt

Guilt is a feeling that a cyberbully is more likely to carry as they recognise they ‘did something bad’.

Quite often. children will stay quiet and secretive, avoiding you. They might say things like ‘you’ll ground me’, ‘you’ll get mad’, ‘you’ll take away my phone’ or similar words, because they expect that you will punish them for the act of doing something bad.

How to support your child

We can help our children here by explaining that they made a bad choice, that the choice has consequences and that the choice they made has affected another person. This allows for a resilient feeling of being able to ‘make up for the bad choice’, which in brain terms is a healthy response to building a more compassionate child for the future.

Quite often in my therapy room, I ask parents not to reflect too much on the aspect of ‘pointing out the victims’ feelings too much’ as this adds to the feeling of both guilt and shame.

Shame

Both victim and cyberbully can encounter shame, which often displays as ‘I am bad’. This is usually easier to spot by behaviours and words that reflect a lack of self-esteem or self-worth. Children experiencing feelings of shame might say things like ‘nobody likes me’, ‘I’m no good’ and ‘you’ll hate me’. These children are suffering both emotionally and physically.

In a state of shame, the body begins to produce chemicals that are not helpful for brain development, empathy and compassion. The child begins to withdraw inwards or act outwardly, such as through aggression.

How to support your child

We can help our children here, not by over-praising them, but by connecting with them. Reflecting to them that we know what shame feels like (most of us do!) and how difficult it is can help them feel less alone. This can also reduce the likelihood that they will act out in those aggressive or otherwise harmful ways.

Cyberbullying facts and statistics

84%

According to Ofcom, 84% of 8-17s say they have been bullied on social media, through text message and on other online platforms, compared to 61% face-to-face.

70%

70% of parents worry about online trolling or abuse from strangers, and 66% are concerned about their child being harassed by other children online.

71%

Our research shows that 71% of parents worry about their child experiencing online bullying by someone they know.

55%

Despite issues faced online, 55% of children aged 9-16 say that using the internet has a positive impact on their wellbeing.

What are the signs my child might be experiencing cyberbullying?

Your child might be reluctant to tell you that they are worried about cyberbullying. So it’s important to look out for the signs. These could include:

Ignoring electronic devices suddenly or unexpectedly
Any changes in general behaviour such as becoming withdrawn, angry or lashing out
Nerves around their devices

Other signs include a reluctance to go to school or take part in usual social activities, unexplained stomach upsets and avoidance when talking about the internet.

The difference between cyberbullying and abuse

Some extreme forms of cyberbullying go beyond bullying. Child-on-child abuse, ‘sextortion’ (also known as child sexual exploitation) and harassment have elements of bullying, but they can cause more harm. While there are no laws that prevent cyberbullying.

What is child-on-child abuse?

Child-on-child abuse is abusive behaviour that ranges from sexting to grooming between those under 18.

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What is online hate?

Online hate is language or actions that target a characteristic of a person or group of people in the digital space.

LEARN ABOUT ONLINE HATE

What is child sexual coercion?

Child sexual exploitation is sometimes called ‘sextortion’. It refers to extorting sexual images from children.

LEARN ABOUT SEXTORTION

Cyberbullying terms and definitions

Online bullying can take many shapes but not all forms are easy to understand. Explore the different types of cyberbullying and bullying behaviours by selecting a word below.