How to talk about cyberbullying with teens
Conversation tips & starters for parents
Learn how to talk about cyberbullying with your teen, and what steps you can take after your conversation.
Quick tips
Follow these quick tips to have a conversation about cyberbullying with your teenager.
Talk somewhere neutral
One-off face-to-face conversations can ring alarm bells, so talk while out driving, over dinner or while out for a walk.
Stay calm
If your child is a target or has bullied someone else, stay calm. Ask questions and get all necessary information before acting.
Check in regularly
If bullying happens, make sure to report and deal with it, and then make sure to follow up and check-in regularly.
In this guide
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Before the conversation
Having a conversation about cyberbullying with teens is not always easy. Unexpected sit-down conversations, interruptions to their routine or general avoidance of sharing with parents tend to work against you. However, taking some time to prepare for these conversations can help.
- Be casual, not interrogative: Avoid formal sit-down conversations for the purpose of discussing cyberbullying. Casual conversations that feel natural are more likely to encourage your child to open up. So, first decide on things you can check-in with them about — what game they’re playing, why they like a YouTuber, etc.
- Choose a natural time to talk: Start the conversation in a neutral place where you’re already spending time with your teen. Car rides, walking the dog and kicking the football around are all ways you can chat about cyberbullying in a way that takes the spotlight off of your teen.
- Plan what to say: Think about the goal of the conversation. Come up with a few key talking points beforehand to help you stay focused on the topic.
- Know what to do: Prepare yourself for if your teen does share something serious. Learn how to report and block on the platforms they use, and who you could contact at their school for support. Check what the most popular platforms are to stay informed.
During the conversation
Once you feel prepared to discuss cyberbullying with your teen, you can start the conversation. While chatting, remember the following tips for the best success.
Frame the conversation around your interest in their experiences instead of interrogating them. Avoid placing blame on them regardless of what they share. Instead, ask them to clarify what has happened to them and what they’ve done.
Leading with curiosity can help teens feel more comfortable to share their experience, instead of feeling like sharing will lead to judgement or punishment.
Open-ended questions like ‘what would you do if someone targeted you?’ or ‘how could you support a friend being bullied online?’ can encourage your child to share. Try to avoid only asking questions where your child could simply answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’ as this can make it difficult for them to open up.
Your child will match your energy, so if you begin to get upset or use an accusing tone, you might notice their tone also starts to change. For many teens, talking about online safety with their parents is not something they want to do. So, try to make it as easy as possible.
If they share something that worries you or makes you angry, continue to stay calm and ask questions to better understand the situation.
If you struggle to talk about cyberbullying or similar tough issues, using a news story. You could share a news story you read about a teenager who experienced bullying or hate online, for example. This can let your teen share their thoughts and gives you the chance to discuss steps they could take to support themselves or others.
You can also use an anecdote from a colleague (or make one up) to achieve the same goals.
For tips on what you can say to start the conversation, read our guide below.
After the conversation
The first conversation you have about cyberbullying will set up future conversations. The more you talk, the easier these chats will become. Use the following tips to keep providing your child support.
Continue showing an interest in their digital life through regular conversations. This can help them feel more comfortable talking with you about any future issues. Try to include these conversations in everyday life rather than having a single one-off chat.
Explore their interests, their favourite platforms, the content they like to watch and anything else that interests you about their digital life.
After discussing cyberbullying, continue to keep an eye on your teen’s behaviour. Look for signs of cyberbullying such as avoidance when talking about the internet or reluctance to go to school. Learn more about signs.
With your teen, agree on what actions you will both take if they are targeted or bully someone else online. Because you’re trying to foster independence at this age, it’s important to let your child lead the way on these decisions.
Actions they take could include:
- saving evidence (such as screenshots)
- reporting and blocking on the platform
- setting additional privacy and safety controls on their profiles
- letting you know what’s happened
- telling a teacher at their school, if applicable
- contacting a helpline like Childline or The Mix for additional support.
Actions you take could include:
- reporting the bullying to other places like the Internet Watch Foundation or police if relevant
- following up on your child’s report to the school
- helping them manage settings on their profiles to restrict unwanted contact
- providing resources like The Mix or Ditch the Label where they can share their experiences.
- Discuss with your teen how to use the report and block features on the platforms they use.
- Going through the parental control and safety features on these platforms with them can also help them manage who contacts them.
- Your teen can also get professional support from organisations like Childline and The Mix. YoungMinds can also support their mental health.
How to start conversations about cyberbullying
For further advice on how to talk to your teen about cyberbullying, find conversation starters and tips in the guide below.
