Online gaming is incredibly popular among children and young people. Whether it is through phones and mobile devices, PCs or games consoles, most children and young people will have experience in gaming online. However, there are some areas of gaming that could put LGBTQ+ children and young people at risk of being bullied or subjected to homophobic, biphobic or transphobic language.
Although you might not understand your child’s willingness to spend a lot of time gaming online, there is a lot to suggest that there are multiple benefits to this as a hobby. Online gaming benefits all young people, both those who are LGBTQ+ and those who are not – but there may be particular benefits for LGBTQ+ young people which include:
Finding a hobby your child enjoys can be incredibly liberating for them, but especially if they are LGBTQ+. It gives them the opportunity to develop skills such as strategy and decision making, express themselves, and converse with others with a degree of confidence.
It can help them to develop existing relationships with friends and peers who enjoy the same games as them. This could mean they get to know the people in their lives better and feel safer to come out or embrace who they are amongst friends.
Some young people may develop online friendships with people they meet through gaming. Although that might be a concern to you, especially as it would involve them conversing with strangers, there is evidence to suggest that long-lasting friendships can be made through online gaming. [Source: Kowert et al, The Relationship Between Online Video Game Involvement and Gaming-Related Friendships Among Emotionally Sensitive Individuals, Journal of Cyberpsychology, Behavior and Social Networking (2014 Jul 1; 17(7): 447–453)]
It is important to be aware that:
Although it might feel like banning online gaming would be more beneficial for the mental and physical wellbeing of your child, this is not feasible, and there are multiple challenges related to balancing their wellbeing with their love of this particular hobby.
There are numerous things you can do to help to protect your child from online harassment that occurs in a game, even if you cannot be there to moderate with them. Having an open conversation with them about their gaming habits, who they game with online, and why they enjoy it so much is by far the best way to begin to understand them and the nature of any harassment that might occur.
The best way for you to understand why your child is willing to risk being harassed or bullied in a game is simply to play it with them. Understand what they enjoy about it, like the strategy, competition or social elements of the game. A great way to bond with them is over something they love, it will also help you to see just how at risk they are by understanding the way things are communicated within the game and the amount of inappropriate language or interaction actually might take place in an average session.
Have a conversation with your child on what their favourite games are and do some of your own research. Find out how to report abuse in their favourite games and what the processes are with the companies that produce these games. You may never need to use it, but understanding how to do this will give you peace of mind knowing that you can take things further as and when you need to. The reporting varies across game, platform and publisher, so it’s best to find out what it is for each of your child’s favourite games.
Oversharing online is something that all children and young people need to be aware of. Have a discussion with your child about sharing their sexuality openly in online games, and the potential risks versus reward this could bring. The aim of this is not to make them ashamed of their sexuality, but rather to protect them against witnessing harmful abuse or hate speech. It is important to note when discussing this with them that even if they do decide to keep their sexuality or gender identity private, these types of insults might still be thrown around casually within this space.
As with social media use, talk to them about their time spent gaming and ensure they can balance this with a healthy sleeping pattern and maintaining all their other commitments. It would be more likely that older gamers will be online late in the evening and into the night, whereas gamers their own age will be online earlier and after school. Try to set a timetable that would be able to protect them from older gamers who might be more likely to be abusive or use inappropriate language in the chat function.
What do they enjoy? What would they change if they could? Who do they communicate with the most when they play?
When they game – do they use their real name? Real age? Gender identity or sexual orientation? Remind them it’s up to them what they feel comfortable sharing with others online. Also, talk to them about the importance of not sharing personal or identifying information with strangers.
Asking them directly if they have been bullied or have perpetrated bullying is not likely to elicit a truthful answer as they might be fearful that access to the game will be taken away. Instead, asking if they have ever witnessed it generally will help you gauge if it is happening where they play.
As a parent or carer for an LGBTQ+ children and young people, you might have some concerns on how to handle in-game abuse and bullying that your child might be subjected to. To help you deal with these potential issues we’ve provided guidance on things you can do and places you can go for support and further advice.
It is important to remember that your child might not even be experiencing these harms, and possibly have never witnessed bullying, hate speech, or any other harm in a game before. As such, there may be nothing you need to protect them from in this case. Nevertheless, it is important to be prepared that these issues could arise at any time, and having an action plan to support them can give you the confidence you need to give them the support they need.
Also, young people may not immediately tell a carer about the bullying, for fear of having to come out (or losing access to the game), so it’s important to keep an eye out for any behaviour changes which might indicate a young person is experiencing bullying.
Bullying in a game can be difficult for your child or young person to go through, as games are often where they go to wind down, decompress, or socialise with friends and peers. If bullying is frequent, this could drive them away from what they enjoy, and affect their mental wellbeing.
Mental wellbeing support
If your child is struggling with their mental wellbeing because of bullying, consider taking them to a GP for some support. They will be able to direct you to a therapist or other mental health services.
Hate speech is often thrown around in online gaming platforms and often can come even if your child or young person is not out online, instead used as a generic insult for many gamers. Witnessing a serious incident of hate speech, whether it was directed to your child or young person or not, can be very damaging for their mental wellbeing and their confidence in who they are.
Trolling is often seen as another form of bullying but can be an ongoing pattern of behaviour that can be quite damaging to children and young people’s mental wellbeing. For example, in a multi-player game, it could be where a player purposely says something controversial in order to get a rise out of other users or distract others to win the game. It can make children and young people’s gaming environment more stressful and can be a slope towards experiencing more bullying behaviours.
Setting up for success for safe gaming
The best way for you to understand why your child is willing to risk being harassed or bullied in a game is simply to play it with them. Understand what they enjoy about it, like the strategy, competition, or social elements of the game. A great way to bond with them is over something they love, it will also help you to see just how at risk they are by understanding the way things are communicated within the game and the amount of inappropriate language or interaction actually might take place in an average session.
Have a conversation with your child on what their favourite games are and do some of your own research. Find out how to report abuse in their favourite games and what the processes are with the companies that produce these games. You may never need to use it but understanding how to do this will give you peace of mind knowing that you can take things further as and when you need to. The reporting varies across games, platforms, and publishers, so it’s best to find out what it is for each of your child’s favourite games.
Oversharing online is something that all children and young people need to be aware of. Have a conversation with the young person and support them to understand that it’s their choice whether they want to come out as LGBTQ+ to the people they game with online. Nobody should have to come out if they are not ready to do so. Equally, if a person does want to come out, they have a right to be treated with respect.
Make sure the young person knows that if they are bullied, harassed, trolled, or otherwise discriminated against online on the basis of being LGBTQ+, this is unacceptable. Let them know you’ll be there to support them if this happens. Support them to identify the steps they can take if this happens to them (e.g. reporting, blocking) and let them know they can tell you what’s happened and you’ll be there to help them.’. The aim of this is not to make them ashamed of their sexuality, but rather to protect them against witnessing harmful abuse or hate speech. It is important to note when discussing this with them that even if they do decide to keep their sexuality or gender identity private, these types of insults might still be thrown around casually within this space.
As with social media use, talk to them about their time spent gaming and ensure they can balance this with a healthy sleeping pattern and maintaining all their other commitments. It would be more likely that older gamers will be online late in the evening and into the night, whereas gamers their own age will be online earlier and after school. Try to set a timetable that would be able to protect them from older gamers who might be more likely to be abusive or use inappropriate language in the chat function.
Making the internet safer and more inclusive
Together with SWGfL we've created this hub to provide online safety advice and guidance to support parents & professionals working with children and young people experiencing vulnerabilities.
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